Showing posts from March, 2011

Up in Kinabalu

It's my first Borneo Debating Championship a.k.a. Borneo Cup since I first forayed into the debating world 3 years ago, and I must say, it's way more fun than I anticipated.

Yes, I have expressed  my doubt and concerns about going, how I felt about gling and about it being a wrong decision. Well, I cou;dn't say I was right, nor was I wrong. I was on the dot.

TBH, I felt a bit ignored and invisible throughout the entire tournament. Given that I'm practically useless there since I have no role, not adjudicator nor a debater. I did, however, stepped in for a swing team when they needed one in the first two rounds, but that's just it.

Those who noticed me, thanks. I needed someone there, and you were there for me. May God always bless you with the best things in life and help you out of life's challenges.

Unstable emotions aside, I felt we did good in the competition, the two teams. One team managed to break into the quarter finals, but crashed out there and lost …

The 'What Stays in KK' Playlist

Bad Move

I'm beginning to think my decision to go to Sabah is a wrong one.

I can't be sure; I'm not a fortune teller.

I dunno. Maybe I'm letting my emotions take over my thinking too often. Like now, for instance. Last week was full of work, and finally, when Sunday comes around, I feel that I'm overly sensitive.

I hate it when my emotions cloud my judgement. Then again, what can I do, I was born this way. Either that or my program has a glitch.

*sigh* Well, the decision is made. I'm going eventually, whether I still want to or not. Not gonna waster Rm300 on a half-half decision.

Gotta get my poker face ready. No tells now.

Decisions, Decisions

I've decided to tag along with my friends to Sabah for debates.

Yes, it's so last minute, but it was a tough decision.

It took forever because

a) I have classes on Friday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday
b) I have labwork on Tuesday morning
c) I have little to no money to spend
d) I am too weak to function properly

I finally decided to join despite my lack of funding (thanks, mom and dad. I shall try to fulfill that promise of taking you guys to Paris one day...). This past week has been exhausting, so I feel that I need a little change in environment. Since the opportunity is there, why not take it?

It might be a bad move, as I may have to reschedule my labwork, and it's already late in the semester to get such a major work done. I have to inform my lecturers of my absence. Worst, I won't have time to party with them at KK because I will be arriving a day later and leaving a day earlier than them. But I need a break.

But I guess it's a (sad but necessary *sigh*) d…

Is This The End

Is this the end? Then why does it feel We'd only just begun I thought we were done
I think I'll hang on If you still want me But if you don't I guess I'll move on
And if you need me Close your eyes and dream I'll give you back your key But will you be happy? Will you be happy?
Said we'll leave it alone But I won't be here long And when I'm gone I guess then we'll know

Still waiting for Zee Avi's sophomore album

People Always Leave

The sky's turning grey The day's getting late I look around me To find what I hate Standing here alone An island in the sea I keep asking myself Why does it only happen to me
Why does this happen Why did you go No longer here with me Left me alone on the floor The things that you did I can always forgive But it is undeniable People always leave
Someday I shall put music to these, and improve on my writing. Got inspired by a One Tree Hill episode in which Peyton drew that art (above) about people always leaving.

The Hardest 5-Letter Word To Say Sometimes

We make decisions in our lives that can impact not only us, but everyone around us.

A year ago, I decided that I wanna stop debating. Just quit the club. Leave while I still can. But I stuck around. I stuck around because I realised I liked it more than I thought I did. I stayed because the people I like to be with is there. I remained because I'm emotionally attached to everyone.
Emotionally attached, as in, I just care for everyone.
A year later, I feel that the club is falling apart. I guess I have myself to blame for it. I am not a good club president. Nothing runs smoothly under me. Everything seems to go wrong. 
What makes matters worse is that the people who I stayed for are either too busy for the club or ignoring me personally.
Maybe it was something I said. Obviously it was something I did. I think I'm supposed to figure it out for myself, but it doesn't help that the ones ignoring you are practically not talking to you as well.
I blame myself for everything that's…

Closer To The Edge

Sometimes (most of the time, actually), I regret being born this way.

To speak truthfully, I don't believe in myself. I don't think that I will ever be happy as long as I never mind. The thing is, I don't think I understand life so much, and I have lived two decades. Is my thought a sign of my impending death?

*shakes head as if the thought is stuck*

I'm just worried about myself. I mean, when it comes to emotions and feelings. If I were to make myself truly happy, I'm afraid of the outcome. If I follow the norm, I'm also afraid of the outcome. If I just stand still and don't move, it's a hopeless future for me.

I see so many people out here achieving their dreams, their goals, their wish for the zest of life! But what do I see in the mirror? A person who will never be happy because he has no hope, no motivation, and just lost on the freeway.

I really think I need therapy. Watching three movies in a row is not helping my state of mind, although it does…