life #9 / work #2: Dead Inside

I realised I haven't posted anything in two months.
That's how dead my inside is right now.
Basically, I'm dead inside.
Since January.

It's March. Things did not get any better, emotion- or mental-health-wise.
Economy-wise, not too bad. Money's been good.
Job's boring, as usual.
I wasn't expecting any form of excitement, really.
But it gets thrilling when I'm doing paperwork.
Or anything involving the/a computer.

Fact is, I have no life.

Family time is going good.
Friend time is less good.
I haven't seen my friends since January.
I miss them, but I'm unsure if they care.
(I'm probably just being selfish; typical Leo.)
I've watched a movie recently, like, last week.
Not the best thing I've seen. Not the worst.

(side note: Go watch Hidden Figures. It's outstanding, and definitly snubbed for an Academy Award)

I'm still trying to be happy and thankful for what I have so far.
I still feel like a disappointment, mainly to myself.

This is not what I signed up for.
This is not where I saw myself 5 years later, 5 years ago.

But I guess my signature is ofrecully written down.
And therefore, here I am.

I believe I will never find something to like about this.
Except for the money.
For now.

To quote Fantine from Les Miserables,
"now life has killed the dream I dreamed".

(side note: within context of the musical, the song is depressing, and about Fantine's lost dream of having love with that guy. also, Lea Salonga is amazing!)


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