#books: th1rteen r3asons why

so i finally got done with thirteen reasons why, and it's the first book i've actually finished this year.

i can see why it's controversial, but i find that it's in no way glorifying suicide.

hannah blames others in her life for her ultimate decision to kill herself. she mentioned how she did it, but not much on the reaction of others. we did find out how people reacted to the tapes she sent out, especially clay's reaction.

going through the book, i was ready to be heartbroken, angry, and having conflicting reasons on why one would want to kill themselves. i can say with full confidence that i have had suicidal thought before, but not having any guts to actually do it. i also kinda feel bad for the people i'm leaving behind, and think they do not deserve the heartbreak.

i am not even half the brave girl hannah is (or was).

i say brave because it takes bravery to want to take your own life. she gave thirteen reasons why she wants to leave her life, and it involves a lot of things which happened to her. events which she regretted, and wished she didn't play a part in. betrayal of friends, and people who aren't friends. she also kind blames her own insecurities, as well as her almost-relationships with others who she may or may not be in love with.

again, i've been there. the insecurities and regrets are the worst things about life. definitely pushed me, but not enough over the edge.

so, is this a good book? yeah, very much; it is well-written, well fleshed-out, and the plot is steady. i expected to feel sorry for hannah, that she has to take her own life in order to fix things. indeed, it was never her place to fix the problems of others. but i think the heavier message here is that it's best to be kind in situations where others are unkind. sure, she can't help in some events to just see and not do anything, but sometimes, i get why she's frustrated that she can't remedy situations she may have had a hand in occurring.

hannah needs to know that she can't solve other people's problems. i feel that her reasons are more about the implications she felt she got caught in and couldn't escape, and sometimes it's when others play with her emotions. no one, neither man nor woman, want that.

perhaps she wants to instill guilt in some, while telling others what she really thinks about them in a not-so-subtle way. i'm not sure if the guilt trip thing is worth your life, hannah.

so, hannah, i understand you. i was you once, having suicidal thoughts. i still have them today, and that's why i was reluctant to read the story in the first place. but after reading it, i wouldn't blame hannah for anything. the only thing i have to say about hannah's decision is that i felt sorry that she feels responsible for a lot of things beyond her control. it's also wrong for her to think that by killing herself and exposing the dark secrets of others, some issues may be solved. i can feel that she has a kind heart, like her feelings for clay, but her heart was ruined by some other unkind souls.

side note: i'm not entirely sure i want to watch the netflix adaptation now, more so that there will be a season two. but i might cave.


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