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Showing posts from January, 2011

Lost in a Nightmare

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What started out as a so-so week ended up with two of the worst days so far.

I don't know what happened to me for the last few days. Wednesday went fine, but after that, it didn't. Nothing felt right on Thursday and Friday.

After a few round of UNO at the airport Starbucks on Wednesday night, my friends and I wen back to campus at 3.00 am. Once I got back to my room, I went straight to sleep.

I woke up at 6:30 a.m., my usual time to get up every morning. I realised that there wasn't any class, so I went back to sleep.

Now, throughout the 3 hrs sleep,I slept a dreamless sleep. After 6:30, my dream was weird. I can't remember it well, but I woke up feeling tired and restless at the same time at 9.00 a.m. I'm not sure if it's a nightmare or what.

I guess I'm just thinking too much, but I don't know what I am thinking of. I just feel lost. I don' know what to do for Thursday and Friday. I lost my footing, and I don't know how to get back up.

Maybe …

Taking Chances

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I can feel the pressure building inside, and I try my best to keep myself busy just to ignore the fact that I have serious unresolved issues.

I gave a speech about taking chances for a public speaking activity today. I went on for 6 minutes saying how chances are a cross between a risk and an opportunity, and how this can affect life. I tried to sound positive, but in true honesty, I feel that chances are like a gamble.

True, chances come in many form, but choosing the wrong one, although it might appear right to begin with, can lead to disaster. I chose the life I have now. I chose to make people happy. I chose to ignore my own happiness. I took a chance to change lives.

Sometimes I feel I'm being too nice. People even said that straight to my face. Thanks, guys. Tell me something I don't know.

In truth, I can't seem to make myself happy. I tried, but eventually, at the end of the day, I feel guilty. I can't seem to make myself happy doing simple things. I get bored …

Funfair. Unexpectedly.

OK, so I haven't updated y'all on hwhat's going on so far. 20 days into 2011, and the sun has yet to shine.

First off, the rain as been pouring. Not as bad as the Australian floods (may God be with them...), but still bad nonetheless.

Then there's the classes. Some classes sart on the first week, some the second. This is week 3, and one class hasn't have much study going on! This time last year, we are already up to our noses with assignments and tutorials. This year, everything seem to be moving at a mediocre pace. I'm not complaining, but boredom settles in much too often.

Then, there's me. I seem to be facing lots of bad luck lately. My broadband modem failed on me, my car seem to have fequent squeaks and thumps, and my savings are decreasing without any money going in. I nhave to try to be thrifty again, which I don't mind but it gets frustrating and tiresome.

My stress level was off the charts, and it was only January, for crying out loud!

Of cours…

Undiscovered

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At the age of 21, one would probably discover themselves already. Who they are, what they want, who they want to be with, even learn to love and lost.

As for me, I'm more of a late bloomer. Back when everyone was all hip and cool and bring along the latest gadget, I'm the one who dress in whatever I feel comfortable in and always the fashion victim. While everyone was in acid-washed jeans, I was wearing my khakis for weekend hangouts with friends.
Then, comes the love part. I fell in love once, or so I thought. What I perceived as love was just a crush that I can't control. No, I didn’t get into an obsession, but there was something in me that say that that one is the one. But I guess I was wrong. So, here I am, age 21, not knowing what love actually is.
In short, I have not discovered myself.
I found an article just now. It's written for girls, but it piqued my curiosity to read it anyway. It's about alpha male vs. metrosexual. It talks about which type of guy is bet…