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Showing posts from September, 2016

life #6/ worrier #4: a predicament

I'm foreseeing complications in my days ahead.

It's rather simple, really. Or not.

I got offered a new job, and I ave to start on the 4th October.
The thing is, my current job only allows me to leave mid-November.
For the new job, I need to take a medical exam to make sure I'm all fine and dandy. The results are only valid for a month, which means I can't take it now. I can only take it in November.

But what if I go, and then the clinic don't want to take it because they say it's pass my date of employment?
What if the office wouldn't agree to my late start date? I'll end up being unemployed, again. I have bills to pay.

So yea a predicament I can't run away from. i feel like I've dug myself a hole deep enough to enter and never emerge from again. It's so confusing. And it's not like I'm entirely sane, either, but that's a story for another time.

I'm worried for my future.
Im worried for the family.
I'm worried about my mu…

Movie Review: Train to Busan

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In short:  heart-thumping, nerve-wracking, edge-of-your-seat zombie thriller film

family #1 / work #1

i told my dad i got a new job, a full-time one, with the Gov.

my dad's reaction: "good la, now your mum can rest"
i.e. mum doesn't have to do her tour guide job anymore.

i didn't say i'm going to take it
but since *everyone* wants it
they think, so should i

in conclusion: i'm taking this job not for me, but for them.

it's never for me.
anything that i do for myself does not make them happy.
or satisfied.
it has to have more benefits for them more than for me.
of course, in the long run, beneficial for me, too, since it's a long-term.
but that first reaction will always stick to me.

because
it was never by me
it was never for me
it was never about me

it's about
them

worrier #3

why can't i be rich?
why can't i be talented?
why can't i be motivated to be something better?

why can't i change?
why can't i move?
why can't i be someone else for a while?

why can't i be?
why can't i see?
why can't i try to be more than i am?

why can't i decide?
why can't i speak?
why can't i just do my own thing without worrying about what othes might think?