an existential crisis

i'm in a mental state of mind where i'm just so tired of thinking.
my problem is that i have to think for myself, and then for other people as well, and I'm so tired. 

oh, i have a partner now, although time will tell if we last.of course, it's my first love, so statistically speaking, our first love isn't always the forever love.
but i'm hoping that it could be.
i'm tried of heartbreaks.

i find myself asking
what am i doing?
sometimes the questions come by every day
i don't know where i am
i don't know why i am here
i don't know what am i doing with life in general
there's so many things i want to do
but i'm expected to consider others first

i can't wait to move out but mum will be sad
i want to travel but my sis wants to come along, if i say no she will be upset
i feel like it's such a burden needing to consider others first
like i have the freedom to say no
but then i will disappoint them
it's like i'm trained from young to not disappoint others
but it's okay if i get disappointed

i'm just so tired. 

i think that's maybe a hint of existential crisis
i'm just moving along day by day
following the work schedule
in and out of meetings
and whatever work that needs to be resolved

i rather not speak too much
cos i will definitely hurt others
and i'm the villain

tired.