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#books: th1rteen r3asons why

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so i finally got done with thirteen reasons why, and it's the first book i've actually finished this year.

i can see why it's controversial, but i find that it's in no way glorifying suicide.

hope #2 / life #11

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what is luck?
how do we consider ourselves lucky?

some measure luck based on success in life, i.e. you're successful because you're lucky that you grab or get opportunities other missed.
other consider luck to be something that you are destined i.e. you're born lucky, because you have enough money to get what you want.

work #4

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I thought I forgot to post something in April.

Apparently, I did.

Since then, nothing has changed.

I still hate this job.
But now, I resent it.
It intensifies every day.

I still love the money.
I need to hold myself together long enough to pay off RM15k in student loans.
Also to fix the house.
Also for some travelling money next year (wishlist: Disneyland or Wizarding World).

I don't think I'll ever get out of this rut.
Not like I can.
At least, not now.

*sigh*

-

*long sigh*

Welp.
That's it for May.
I'm too jaded to do anything.

The worst part, Goodreads keeps telling me I'm 4 books behind for my 2017 Reading Challenge *groans*

life #10/ work #3

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This job is boring.

All I do is attend meetings, hold meetings, and site visits. Sometimes I sign documents.

Sure, maybe it's because it's in district level so things move little slower than in headquarters. Either way, I'm truly bored in this job. It's not fulfilling, although the money is good, which means I get to buy things or travel without anyone's permission.

Fun.

But truly, I wish for more than just this.
This contentment.

I know, it's comfortable being in this position, and being in the civil service under the Gov. Your job is permanent, cashflow is stable, and the occasional bonus happens once in a while when there's a festive occasion. So yes, I can't complain much.

But above all that, the job feels stale. Everything is routine. A lot of paperwork.

I can't say if it's because that I'm an introvert that I find this job boring.
No. I get an office all to myself, and major alone time. Should be cushy for an introvert, no?

Then again…

life #9 / work #2: Dead Inside

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I realised I haven't posted anything in two months. That's how dead my inside is right now. Basically, I'm dead inside. Since January.
Anyway.

worrier #7/ life #8

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Why do we have suicidal thoughts? Who do we have suicidal thought for? By that, I mean to whom does it benefit?  Us or others?
I always try not to be selfish when it comes to things, either buying, thinking, saying, or doing. Sometimes I am, because, hey, we keep getting bombarded by messages by successful or inspirational people saying 'do what makes you happy' . Some say that it's OK to be selfish and think of yourself first, as you're running your life, not other people. But what stops us from thinking about other people first? Do some revert back to suicidal thoughts because they can't imagine dong things for themselves, even if it makes then happy?
I am one of those people.

travel #1

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OK, so. I did what I finally wanted to do for a while. It's not a big deal to alot of people, but it is for me. I've never done it by myself, and for myself. A last minute decision, but thankfully, it was better than I expected.


I went travelling, alone. Yay me.
Nowhere far, really, just across the sea to the big city.