Posts

an existential crisis

i'm in a mental state of mind where i'm just so tired of thinking. my problem is that i have to think for myself, and then for other people as well, and I'm so tired. 

thinking about the future. again.

 so I recently got a bank loan, to buy an apartment! yay! although I'm worried about the future.  cos it's a lot to pay. per month and overall.  the cost of independence, huh.  I'm thinking of what would happen when I run out of money.  I took a stupid decision when the job offered me a pension, but I took epf.  so when I'm 60 and end my run at my job (if I stay that long), I won't be paid anymore.  with pension, I will get some money til I die.  with epf, I get to use whatever money is in there, saved up during my work days.  until it dries up.  or I die, whichever comes first.  so I'm thinking, what would happen when I can't pay for my apartment anymore.  I don't think I have people to depend on.  I don't know if mum and dad would leave us with any money. I don't know if my sister will ever marry a rich person like she wants.  because living is hard, especially when you think about how much it costs.  whoever said money can't buy you happin

finally the year ends

the year is ending. and i feel so is my will to live. it could be simply seasonal depression, or that feeling of being left out by friends.  again. 
"All that is gold does not glitter; not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither; deep roots are not reached by the frost." - J. R. R. Tolkien