mell's new blog

i'm in a mental state of mind where i'm just so tired of thinking. my problem is that i have to think for myself, and then for other people as well, and I'm so tired. 

 so I recently got a bank loan, to buy an apartment! yay! although I'm worried about the future.  cos it's a lot to pay. per month and overall.  the cost of independence, huh.  I'm thinking of what would happen when I run out of money.  I took a stupid decision when the job offered me a pension, but I took epf.  so when I'm 60 and end my run at my job (if I stay that long), I won't be paid anymore.  with pension, I will get some money til I die.  with epf, I get to use whatever money is in there, saved up during my work days.  until it dries up.  or I die, whichever comes first.  so I'm thinking, what would happen when I can't pay for my apartment anymore.  I don't think I have people to depend on.  I don't know if mum and dad would leave us with any money. I don't know if my sister will ever marry a rich person like she wants.  because living is hard, especially when you think about how much it costs.  whoever s...

the year is ending. and i feel so is my will to live. it could be simply seasonal depression, or that feeling of being left out by friends.  again.